WHAT IS SELF-ESTEEM?

Self-esteem is the set of beliefs, perceptions, evaluations and thoughts we have about ourselves, the assessment we make based on our experiences.

Self-esteem is related to self-image, which is the concept one has of oneself, and self-acceptance, which is the recognition of one’s qualities and defects.

The way in which a person values themselves is often influenced by external agents or the context in which the individual finds themselves, which is why it can change over time.

In this sense, self-esteem can increase or decrease due to emotional, family, social or work situations, even due to our positive or negative self-criticism.

According to Walter Riso, an expert on the subject and author of several books on emotional dependence, the four pillars and components that make up self-esteem are self-concept, self-image, self-reinforcement and self-efficacy.

WHAT SYMPTOMS CAN WARN ME THAT I HAVE LOW SELF-ESTEEM?

Some of the main symptoms that can warn us that our self-esteem is not at its best are the following:

• I have no confidence in myself
• I do not express my tastes or opinions for fear of being rejected or because I think that my opinions do not have the same value as the opinions of others.
• I don’t feel worthy of the good things in life
• I don’t make an effort to get what I want since beforehand I think I won’t achieve it.
• I don’t relate to others as I would like because I think I’m not going to do it well and they’re going to leave me aside.
• I need the approval of others very often
• I let myself be stepped on easily since I don’t dare to impose myself when necessary.
• I see other people as superior to me and I would like to be like them
• I’m afraid to say what I feel anymore, maybe others won’t like what I say.
• I usually attribute my achievements to external causes and my failures to internal causes.
• I am almost never happy with what I do because I think I could be better.
• I do not feel happy
• I find it difficult to finish what I start since I get demotivated very easily.
• It is almost impossible for me to take the initiative
• I feel evaluated almost constantly in social situations
• I feel guilty
• I feel unattractive
• I envy the lives of others
• I feel like I have nothing to contribute.

HOW TO IMPROVE SELF-ESTEEM?

When a woman has low self-esteem she does not love herself, she does not accept herself and she does not value her qualities that many times she will not even be able to see them. She probably stops going to social gatherings, stops trying new things and facing challenges for fear of not achieving them since she probably believes that she will not be able to achieve them and lacks security in her daily life.

Low self-esteem makes us focus on our environment as the culprits or responsible for what happens to us. The person with low self-esteem usually enters a loop of pessimistic thoughts and constant complaints about how their life is going.

The key to changing low self-esteem into high self-esteem is to begin to focus on ourselves as the origin of what happens to us.

To do this, these 10 keys help us increase self-esteem and change our negative thought patterns.

SEARCH AND FIND THE ORIGIN OF YOUR LOW SELF-ESTEEM

As I explained previously, placing your attention on your environment as responsible for your low self-esteem is not wanting to overcome the personal challenge that the situation is proposing to you.

The origin of low self-esteem begins with an internal fear that is preventing us from experiencing the situation with a different attitude. This fear warns us that a low assessment of our abilities or image is preventing us from continuing.

TRY, EVEN IF YOU FAIL.

Once we discover the origin, the next step that will determine an improvement in your self-esteem is in the action you take.

For example, you are afraid of facing a new job. A person with low self-esteem justifies staying in the old job in every way, even if he constantly complains about the conditions, not opting for the new job. It all originates from a low assessment of her abilities and knowledge about the new job, producing fear of failure or a bad decision.

If the action we take is to stay, we are remaining at the same level of self-esteem even knowing that it is because of our fear of failure.

It will pose a new personal challenge to your self-knowledge, but in the attempt is the key to reinforcing everything we know about ourselves.

REPLACE YOUR GOALS WITH VALUES

Sometimes not achieving very marked and desired objectives can lead to frustration and feeling that we are worthless. This does not happen when it is the values and not the objectives that mark our direction in life.

Let’s see it with a concrete example: imagine that you are preparing for an opposition, you have been studying for months and months and making fewer leisure plans; In this case your values are effort, perseverance, personal improvement, capacity for sacrifice, willpower and responsibility among others.

If in the end you do not pass the exam and you do not get the place, the values that you have maintained during this stage of your life will always be there so that you feel very proud of it. So as the saying goes: “the important thing is not to win, but to participate”

IDENTIFY YOUR STRENGTHS

Today we know that each and every one of us is born with a series of qualities, innate characteristics or strengths that are our strengths, they are those skills that you are especially good at, the problem comes when the person with low self-esteem does not believe that he has them and it is also very difficult for him to identify them.

LEARN TO IDENTIFY YOUR INTERNAL DIALOGUE.

Our internal dialogue is essential when it comes to building our self-esteem.

In people with healthy self-esteem this dialogue is usually kind, positive and comforting. But in those people with low self-esteem it becomes the opposite, a voice appears that constantly criticizes, punishes and despises achievements.

This inner voice is irrational and usually interprets any situation in the worst possible way, even when there is no objective evidence to reach that conclusion.

Identify in which situations they appear and what exactly they tell you. Your negative thoughts are usually always the same, so how do they make you interpret situations? What emotions do they provoke in you?

The better you understand the emotions they cause you, the less power they will have over you and recognizing the emotion you feel reduces its impact.

SEPARATE YOURSELF FROM YOUR FEARS

When fear appears, do not ignore it, do not block it, do not distract it, pretending it does not exist, no, detach yourself from it!

It is important that you understand that we are not what we think and that when we think something does not mean that it will happen. Or is it that perhaps because you think you are going to win the lottery, you finally win? No; We are mere observers of our thoughts.

PRACTICE SELF-COMPASSION

Self-compassion is closely related to self-concept (one of the four elements that make up self-esteem) and consists of treating yourself with the same empathy with which you would treat your best friend. That is, give yourself support and be understanding with yourself, instead of constantly criticizing and judging yourself.

It involves learning to calm down and comfort yourself so you can try again, instead of beating yourself up every time you make a mistake.

There are many exercises and activities to develop self-compassion, but the simplest is to talk to yourself the same way you would to a friend who was having a hard time.

INCREASE YOUR CONFIDENCE WITH NON-VERBAL LANGUAGE.

Did you know that your non-verbal body language influences your mood? Well yes and a lot. In this way, when you feel down, you express it (often without even realizing it) by shrinking your body, which makes you feel even more depressed.

To improve this, try using an upright, expansive posture when you feel sad or down. These types of poses (head raised, shoulders back and hands resting on the hips) are called power postures, and it has been shown that maintaining them for just two minutes is enough to boost your confidence, feel better and secure in yourself. same.

DO EXERCISE

The results of the largest study carried out on exercise and self-esteem showed that, as long as it is of medium intensity, playing sports increases self-esteem in the short term.

THINK MORE ABOUT OTHERS

To feel better when you’re a little down, stop continually thinking about yourself and your discomfort and try to turn your attention outward. And thinking only about your problems is not doing you any favors, it is only going to make the situation worse.

PHRASES ABOUT SELF-ESTEEM

“Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb trees, it will spend its life thinking it is stupid.” Albert Einstein

“Self-esteem is not as vile a sin as dismissing oneself.” William Shakespeare

“Loving yourself is the beginning of a lifelong romance.” Oscar Wilde

“We all know that self-esteem comes from what you think of yourself, not what others think of you.” Gloria Gaynor

“There is something worse than death, worse than suffering.”

“to… and that is when one loses self-love.” Sandor Márai

ARE YOU LOOKING FOR LIFE COACHING THERAPY?

If you are interested in life coaching therapy, contact me. In my coaching method Volver a Quererte®  you will find personalized sessions focused on balancing and restoring: your strong and weak qualities, toxic personality traits, knowing your internal dialogue, how to maintain healthy self-esteem.

We will also work on improving your ties with friends, healthy personal relationships, how to relate to family ties without dying in the attempt. We will do all of this in face-to-face sessions in the province of Malaga, or through the online modality by video call.

This key that reinforces and increases your self-esteem is telling you to try, when the opportunity to improve your life always arrives.